Nature Documentarian Gifts

The Food Chain

Interview a bird.

"Some of these images may be hard to watch."

"So do you want white or green meat?"

Maria Sibylla Merian

"The notches on his tusks? That's the number of rivals my daddy has defeated!"

Live Stream

"Well look who's waiting with bated breath!!"

"He turns around and drops dead of a heart-attack before we even pounce on him! That's quite an anti-climax to a good stalking, isn't it..."

"A Good, But Not a Great Ape"

'Quick, get the camcorder!'

'What the … that's me? Man, if I knew I had such a goofy run, I would have let the lion take me, right there!'

"I hope you're not looking for a long-term relationship there, big boy. Because I'm probably gonna eat your head later."

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Silhouette hawk swooping down to catch a silhouette rabbit.

Crocodile

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

"But what's my motivation?"

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

'It's a deal: we don't eat you, and you get us on Jacques Cousteau's next special.'

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

'Illegal immigrants, if you ask me.'

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

"This is a repeat. See what's on The Bird Channel."

'She hunts, she brings it back, and my manhood,thank goodness, remains intact.'

Rain Forest Filmcrew

'It's that bloody David Attenborough! It looks like one of us is about to die a gruesome, yet visually stunning death.'

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"