National Security Staff Gifts

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

The Anti-Agent

"National security adviser"

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Airport Security.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

Privacy Conference Security

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

The Jose Padilla Experience

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

"The club scene is really changing."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

Graffiti on guard's horse

Private Viewing

Legalish

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

"His name? It's 'Reggie the Drug-Sniffing Dog.'"

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

Giving Up a Little Privacy

NSA - 'Start Leakin'.'

Party-Crashing Ban

Official Rhetoric About Leakers and Whistleblowers, Translated

The Cashless Society is Here

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'