National Security Analyst Gifts

'Homeland security! That sign has 'threat' written all over it!'

That Man Is Dangerous

Hillary and NSA, Sitting in a Tree

The Anti-Agent

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

"National security adviser"

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

That's What Happens

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

Intolerable

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

A Little Extra

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

Defence Cutbacks.

"We occasionally remove content that is considered to be subversive, or a potential threat to public order and national security."

"It's the kind of missile system that says, 'Hey, these peace negotiations aren't really going very well.'"

Bureau of Disappearing Civil Liberties.

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

How the US Succeeded in Afghanistan

'Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour? Just look at that card Hans Greber and we have haven't been shot at all day.'

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

The Thinker

The Best Defense

Aggression/Security

Invade/Fail/Deny

"Mr. Miranda....we are using 'schedule 7' to hold you on suspicion of knowing someone who knew someone who was a whistleblower...."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

Arms race - USA and Russia.

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'