Narrative Knights Gifts

"This isn't how the story went at all."

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Swiss army knife

Joust Sharpener

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

underwater knight

The Predictable Demise of Sir Textalot.

"Who ordered a pizza?"

Before putting on your armor...always check for mice!

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"Yes, I'm sure. The dragon I saw was quite a bit bigger."

"There isn't a siege. We're all in line for the bouncy castle."

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

'Yes, I wanted a knight in shining armour, but I didn't know it'd be me doing all the shining!'

"I hear it's because we're right and they're wrong."

Beware of the Dragon