Narrative Critic T-Shirts

"Guilty on all counts, Your Honor. However, with more attention to character development, pacing and tone, we're confident the defense will find a much wider audience and a winning verdict in the appeal phase!"

Grimm's Reality Tales.

'I hate these cliche situations!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Thomas Mann.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

First Novels.

Blue Stockings

"Now I really hate poetry."

Jean-Paul Sartre

Why we need poetry. . .

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

German Expressionist Breakfast

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

Shakespeare was bisexual

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Dating an English Major

George Orwell

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

The Proust of Twitter

"Oh, this old thing?"

The World's Biggest Book Club

Günter Grass

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."