Narrative Analyst T-Shirts

The movie was over. But not for Bob.

"Oh, c'mon. I wasn't that terrible!"

The Three Passive/Aggressive, Co-Enabling, Chemically-Dependent Billy Goats Gruff

"Dial M for MacGuffin."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

Grimm's Reality Tales.

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

Why do you hate the media?

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"I'm after the history section."

My Aunt's Left Hook Expels Uriah From The Chaise

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

Trump Overload

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

"And Jasper, dear Jasper, with his soulful eyes and great sagging jowl, would be stretched upon the floor, his tail a-thump when he heard his master's footsteps." Penny loved Daphne Du Maurier's 'Rebecca'.

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

The Truth

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

Campaign 2016

Ilyasah Shabazz

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

'Ach, Herr Scrooge - ghost of this, ghost of that...serious delusions.'

'And that one is the mistake I made in Act II, Scene III, line 14 of Hamlet.'