Nan Gifts

'Excellent! There's no mention of a ban on Grandparents smacking children..' (children fighting in background).

"Hey, I'll do the kvelling around here."

"No, actually gran...you've shrunk"

The Granny Knot.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

Bitchbark Canoe

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'I sent out for everything.'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Occu-Pie Mars

Tartine

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Young Frankenstein"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

Robot Parts $5

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'