Nail-biting Disciplinarian Pillows

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Reality home-improvement show.

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Special Place in Hell...

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"Use your phone once more during dinner...And I'll send you close-ups of my patients' wounds."

The Job Interview

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

Carpenter.

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

"Things are looking grim Jenkins, get someone in to start chewing my nails for me."

Principal to teacher: 'You've got to get a handle on the screaming and running down the hall. I don't care how afraid you are of your students.'

'You just wait until your father gets home.'

"No supper for him, Sonia. When little boys petrol bomb the neighbours car they must be punished.

"Fidget spinners, bubble poppers... I'm old school. I just bite my nails."

Although he had interviewed lots of applicants who were nail-biters, this guy was by far the most annoying.

No new t-shirts until you learn how to put them on carefully.

'That's what happens when you bite your nails.'