Mythical Monster Fan Gifts

"Your last victim was so obese, you've now got diabetes!"

'Honey, why aren't you destroying your toys?'

Roman-Greco Vision Center

SPF 1000, the sun block preferred by 9 out of 10 vampires who are farmers.

'You're standing on his foot.'

'Please Pass the Moon Tan Lotion.'

"What'll you have? Wait, lemme guess...a Bloody Mary, right?!"

"Incorrigible, maybe, but I wouldn't say you're an abominable snowman."

MASSIVE SHOE SALE..!

"I'm on a diet. I'm taking a blood thinner."

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Swiss army knife

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

Warrior Woman

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

"OK-WHO THREW THAT..??

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

"Cthulhus, sir. Thousands of 'em."

"I always knew you'd come back."

"He never passes by without a mischievous smile."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

Zombie pet tricks.

"How can you expect anyone else to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself?"

Traffic Cone Monsters

'Well, 2012 is the year of the dragon, after all!'

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

"What'd you think the zipper on my face was for?"

Dragon Graph

"Do I have to go out again!?"

'Igor, quit bugging me!'

Vampire collects bottles of blood from his doorstep.