Mythical Humor Pillows

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"Oh, awkward - my ex. . ."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Game time.

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Arresting Adam and Eve

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

First attempt at the Big Bang

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

You will go on a trip.

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

"Snake eyes again!"

Man asking lady if she cares for him

Sasquatch/Summersquatch

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

"It's Him. he wants us to lay off until the Fruit Board has published this year's crop results."

Wrong Address

Medusa turning everyone in the 'Hard Rock caf�' into rock

'Don't be daft,woman-of course I'm not gonna FRY her!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

'Madam Zelda sees all'

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.

Madam Mae: Fortune teller - Fortune 500.

"Would it kill you to put on something nice when I summon you from the dead?"

"Don't be so chintzy with the life line!"

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

"The best spell is sneezing."

Saturn wearing a NRA hat and eating his own child

"No Officer, but they will all make lovely trouser belts, shoes, or handbags."

God with a hammer

"You're going on a very short journey."