Mystical Musings Pillows

Fortunes - $25 and Genome sequenced - $2,500.

'The recurring poor enrollment prognostications plays havoc with our school district's budget. What will next year's enrolment be.'

"With Crystal Protect, we'll monitor your crystal ball to prevent the hack and theft of your clients' fortunes."

"How frustrating. The crystal ball is down again."

"Your next of kin is going to inherit a lot of money."

Angel sleeping on cloud-like hammock

'How much do you weigh?'

Superstitious Black Cat

'You will soon be on a serious roll. Wait-make that a bagel.'

"I don't know what this mumble jumble I just said means either. Let's call tech support."

"Every day in every way I'm getting gullibler and gullibler."

"You're one hairball away from being banned from the couch for life."

Tarot reading

flying monkeys

"Well, that's enough about me - tell me all about yourself now."

Smoking Woman

"Well, your numbers seem unlucky - five and seven to run concurrently."

'You will spend the winter shoveling snow.'

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'The orange roughy looks good.'

'Your moon is on Saturn. Your sun is on Venus, and your hand is on my thigh!'

"It will be all your fault."

'I hate to let you go, but I can't afford an astrologer AND a spin doctor.'

'You will meet a tall dark stranger and you will beat him 6-4, 6-3, 6-0!'

'I'm afraid the rest of your life will be dull and uneventful too.

Gypsy wanting to tell the fortune of a man who is smoking and drinking

'The male pattern baldness is genetic, but your dense lower back hair appears to be a gypsy curse.'

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'

"Sometimes a spirit will linger in this world if it has emails it needs to reply to."

Madame Sapphire, mind proofreader.

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

'But that was in a previous life!'

Oriental fortune teller has a fortune cookie in place of a crystal ball