Mycologist T-Shirts

'Of course I'll need to run some tests; but offhand I'd say it's some sort of fungus infection.'

'You are right; it does appear to be some kind of a fungus.'

"They're designer plaid, for God's sake. How poisonous can they be?"

"Fred, I think you're spending altogether too much time down here with these mushrooms!"

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

Magic Mushrooms

True Story: Each year strangers stop to pick mushrooms that grow at the front of our house. They assure us they aren't poisonous - but never return.

"Look away dear, there's that dreadful 'Phallus impudicus'"

'You look like a fun guy!'

Disease Management

"Tour de Frank"

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

"I'm going to get you fired."

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'That which does not kill me, make me stronger.'

Down a the lab - Germs "So what will you do when you grow up?" "Oh the usual...divide,multiply,infect,kill.."

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

DNA Analysis.

'That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again.'

Gene Therapy

'It's a deal. You don't infect me, and I don't infect you.'

"That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again."

'Since Fleming already beat you to it with penicillin, I take it we can dispose of your week-old sandwich?'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Footballer and Bacteria.

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm trying to grow a cancel culture – but it keeps dividing and dividing until there's nothing left."

'A geneticist laid bare my genetic blueprint, and I feel violated.'

Until Bob entered her life, Lisa never even knew the meaning of the phrase 'acute multiple drug-resistant infection by transgenic Staphylococcus aureus.

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'