Mustard Aficionado Pillows

'Don't overdo the mustard, sir -- we're trying to control costs around here.'

'Sorry, I don't have any water -- But how about some Grey Poupon?'

'Sorry, I don't have any water -- But how about some Grey Poupon?'

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

wattle covers

General Meade's Army, Near Culpepper - Shaving in Camp

The Beard in the Stone

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

A family with mustaches talking on their cellphones.

Coffee shop

"Here's to East, West, South and Bridgehampton, and all the little Hamptons in between."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'Long shift?'

Prosecco

Movember

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

Classic Emojis for sale.

'How would you like your toast?'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"If I put mustaches on all of us, we look more like a team."

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

A stylized man in pyjamas

Trendies, INC

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"Look lively crew, lest we be dashed upon these scrumptious shores."

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

"Are you as excited as I am?"

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Clock Tower Shadow

Baker Makes Sexy Dough