Mustard Aficionado T-Shirts

'Don't overdo the mustard, sir -- we're trying to control costs around here.'

'Sorry, I don't have any water -- But how about some Grey Poupon?'

'Sorry, I don't have any water -- But how about some Grey Poupon?'

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

wattle covers

A family with mustaches talking on their cellphones.

The Beard in the Stone

General Meade's Army, Near Culpepper - Shaving in Camp

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'Long shift?'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Prosecco

"Here's to East, West, South and Bridgehampton, and all the little Hamptons in between."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

Coffee shop

Movember

'How would you like your toast?'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

Classic Emojis for sale.

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

"If I put mustaches on all of us, we look more like a team."

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

A stylized man in pyjamas

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

"Look lively crew, lest we be dashed upon these scrumptious shores."

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Trendies, INC

"Are you as excited as I am?"

Edith told Hank that if he gained any more weight, she'd leave him. Hank just wanted the cake and Edith too.