Multitasker In Love Pillows

I'm going to give each of my girlfriends a bottle of this wine for valentine's day. A port in every sweetheart!

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Fitness Programme for babies

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

Creative entrepreneur at work

'I suppose you realize that when I tell everyone back at the office about this you wont be able to tele-commute anymore.'

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Homeschooling

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

Having It All

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

"Hey. Where the hell's my harmonica?"

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

"What?!"

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'

'He's trying to put three kids through college.'

OK, so maybe we've all overscheduled our kids a little.

'I'm a communication expert because I can eat crisps, drink beer, read the news and talk to my wife while watching TV!'

Piano eight hands.

'Billy, I really don't think it's possible to do your homework and watch TV at the same time.'

"Day care worker's delight: Velcro diapers"

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

One Man Band