Multitasker In Love Pillows

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

Fitness Programme for babies

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

Creative entrepreneur at work

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

'I suppose you realize that when I tell everyone back at the office about this you wont be able to tele-commute anymore.'

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Homeschooling

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

Having It All

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

"Hey. Where the hell's my harmonica?"

"What?!"

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

'I'm a communication expert because I can eat crisps, drink beer, read the news and talk to my wife while watching TV!'

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'

Piano eight hands.

'Billy, I really don't think it's possible to do your homework and watch TV at the same time.'

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

How to play violin while reading a book...

One Man Band

"Day care worker's delight: Velcro diapers"