Moving In With Roommates Pillows

"I've learned to live with the ever-present specter of death, but mostly because it's started chipping in for rent."

New roommates, welcome to Oswego Ewe's new semester.

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

LAY ZEE FUK

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Speed Dating for Turtles

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

Biofelineism

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"You've changed."

Cat Towels

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"I guess opposites do attract. She's a real shaker, and he's such a grind."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

Love is when you watch television together.

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Layer cake

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Are we broke yet?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"You're hogging the covers again!"