Getting A New Roommate Pillows

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Biofelineism

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Who gets the decaf?'

'Are we broke yet?'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"Much ado list"

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'