Getting A New Roommate Gifts

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Speed Dating for Turtles

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Biofelineism

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'Are we broke yet?'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'