Moving Day Survivor Gifts

Cellulitis: When your cellphone gets lost on moving day.

'The kids were so sweet...'

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"Is it something I said dear?"

Yard Sale

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

"It's going to be one of those days."

Things were about to go apple-shaped for Barney and Bart...

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

melting snowman in a bar, one for the road

"it appears I'm being relocated"

"You'll get over him."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

'Like us, the Hula Hoop will never go out of style.'

Umbrella Roof

"It's all yours now."

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

"Jack, I'm looking through these old love letters, faded flowers and other sentimental objects meant to inspire tender memories… junk?"

"And remember—if you don't need to go anywhere, stay home."

Winter is an Adventure.

'Mother sent me back to school the minute I was feeling better.'

Evicted Dollhouse Tenants.

Ye Haul.

'The way you bundle me up, the only thing going outside is my nose.'

"Thanks, but do you have anything stronger than 'have a nice day'?"

"Frankly, business sucks."

Hat Swap

"I think we should start seeing other people."

I can't believe he dumped me. Remember, if you love someone set them free. And if you hate someone set them free. In other words, set everyone free and get a cat.

"I mean...the breakup is further complicated by the fact that all our shared objects are alive...."