Moving Day Survivor Gifts

Cellulitis: When your cellphone gets lost on moving day.

'The kids were so sweet...'

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"Is it something I said dear?"

Yard Sale

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

"It's going to be one of those days."

melting snowman in a bar, one for the road

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

Things were about to go apple-shaped for Barney and Bart...

"it appears I'm being relocated"

Umbrella Roof

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

'Like us, the Hula Hoop will never go out of style.'

"You'll get over him."

"Jack, I'm looking through these old love letters, faded flowers and other sentimental objects meant to inspire tender memories… junk?"

"It's all yours now."

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

"And remember—if you don't need to go anywhere, stay home."

'I gotta hand it to you, Conway. It takes a genius like you to figure out how to get an 8-foot-long table through a 3-foot-wide door!'

"Don't go in there!"

'Oh, them...they're just my x husands.'

Winter is an Adventure.

'Mother sent me back to school the minute I was feeling better.'

Evicted Dollhouse Tenants.

Ye Haul.

"I mean...the breakup is further complicated by the fact that all our shared objects are alive...."

"Frankly, business sucks."

Hat Swap

"Thanks, but do you have anything stronger than 'have a nice day'?"

Wow! What a big and scary place! Yeah, but at least it's not totally "eggshell white"!

"I think we should start seeing other people."

I can't believe he dumped me. Remember, if you love someone set them free. And if you hate someone set them free. In other words, set everyone free and get a cat.