Movie Nerd Pillows

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

Dancing with the Star Wars

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

Comic,,,Drama,,,Laugh Track,

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

The Directors Gut.

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'