Movie Mix-up Master Pillows

"Did you accidentally put the DVD of 'Taxi Driver' in her 'Wheels on the Bus' case?"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'okay...where did you hide it?'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

Photobooth Photobomb

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

"Here's a buck, kid... Don't tell your mom I snuck out of my retirement home!"

'The man was real nice about it. He gave me my ball back and even said you can expect a nice call from his lawyer.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

"I guess breakable things need to be more careful around me."

"My dad ate my homework."

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

Doggie Bowl Drill

"If that's my mom tell her I'm at recess."

"So nice to spend a week just ransacking with the kids."

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

'The real fun comes when we go through airport security.'

For the third time that week somebody had super-glued the manager to his seat. It was great for team morale.

DIY expert.

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

'My teacher has a good memory. She remembers what a rotten kid you were.'