Media Mix-up Enthusiast Pillows

'No son, not like that.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

'Do you know that tattoo reads,'I love little porcelain dolls'?' (a Chinese man explaining to a tough guy what his Chinese tattoo really means).

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'Oops - it's not a stethoscope - it's my ipod!'

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

'Bloody paparazzi' - 'I know, it's at least 40 minutes since I rang them!'

'Sorry. We have no senor discount.'

"... But you can still ask the audience."

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

'I don't give a damn what the chart says! i did not have a hysterectomy!!!'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

"Uh, oh...I was supposed to rub this on your back..."

'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

Golfer on Football Pitch

'If you please, sir, Mother's took the lotion, and rubbed her leg with the mixture!'

'There is no need to be alarmed, Mr. Shaw - there's been a mix-up in the laundry.'

'No nurse! - I said check their obs!'

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '

'Employment service? I asked for keypunchers, not cowpunchers!'

Animal Hospital.

Whoops! I've brought the wrong husband home from the shops.