Music Mix-up Enthusiast Pillows

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

A Heavy Metal Musician.

Boxing with your harp

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

'Do you know that tattoo reads,'I love little porcelain dolls'?' (a Chinese man explaining to a tough guy what his Chinese tattoo really means).

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

'Why am I here, nurse? I just wanted a replacement for my organ.'

'Sorry. We have no senor discount.'

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

Piano tuner with an assistant.

Hospital ER. My CD player malfunctioned! And now there's a song stuck in his head!

Little Women in Love in the Time of Cholera

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

Gone with the Wind in the Willows

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

"Michael Bolton at Folsom Prison"

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

'I don't give a damn what the chart says! i did not have a hysterectomy!!!'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

"What makes you think you got your medication mixed up with your wife's?"

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

'No nurse! - I said check their obs!'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

Occupational Hazards of Playing the Harp.

Alternative acupuncture.