Mountaintop Golfer Gifts

Guru to guru playing golf: 'I don't think you're cut out for this life'.

Man on Snowdon with GPS system - "I'd be lost without it."

Rock Climber

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

Golf lessons

'I don't care if you do need practice hitting out of the sand. The cat needs her litter box!'

The Uncle Vinnie Insomnia Open

'I wonder why my master never makes it into the Master's Tournament?'

'Don't move.'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"Yes, I'm the wise man who lives on the top of the mountain. And believe me, the surcharge for the pizza delivery service is insane!"

Man in artic weather playing sport with snow balls

"Hold up ... where’s the ranch dressing?"

"Write your acceptance speech before winning the award."

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

"You are Here" sign on mountain.

"Sometime, maybe we could run down to Lhasa for some SPICED gruel, huh?"

'Hey, hey -- You've got to stay focussed.'

'I have to warn you that hills may go up as well as down.'

"Duh!"

'That's the best advice you got? There's no business like show business?'

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

'Hello?...still there?...yeah, sorry, I just had to move to get a better signal.'

'This looks like a good spot to catch up on our email.'

"He,he!. . . Some guy on the ninth hole is going crazy looking for this!"

"A preliminary census report indicates that for the first time in our nation's history female anthropologists out-number male professional golfers."

'The secret to happiness is to stay away from low-lying coastal areas which are most susceptible to storms from global warming.'

Alien hits golf balls off space ship into the moon's craters.

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

"Thirty-seven years up here and my ears STILL pop!"