Mountain Top Meditator Pillows

'I don't know anything about Nirvana - I came up here to DIET.'

'I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

"I decided to get comfortable...we have a lot to talk about."

"I'm hoping to sell my startup - a chain of fast-food meditation centers - to Google for seven figures."

"In the Game of Life, my son, the fix is in."

'Hey, hey -- You've got to stay focussed.'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"The meaning of life is cats."

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

Wisdom for dummies

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

"I'm just checkin' my email, OK! I AM NOT googling it..."

'Hello?...still there?...yeah, sorry, I just had to move to get a better signal.'

"Oh great!...He;s a fitness guru!!"

'I hired a decorator.'

"I accept the cookies I cannot change."

"My koan is to comprehend the sound of one hand clapping."

WHILE YOU WERE OUT OF BODY...

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'I consider the Buddha to be a living document.'

'Nothing against you, but I'm thinking about going back for my master's.'

'That's old Goopta - he decided to quit at the top of his game.'

"Thirty-seven years up here and my ears STILL pop!"

"Man cave? You think too small."

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- Barack Obama offered me a job writing platitudes!'

'The secret to happiness is to stay away from low-lying coastal areas which are most susceptible to storms from global warming.'

"I'm going on a retreat."

'Well, you'll just have to CONTROL your urge to yodel!'

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'