Mountain Meditation Pillows

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"Free why-fi.”

"When was your last meta-physical?"

It must be December again -- I just had a vision of sugarplums.

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

Meanwhile...in Albania

"In the Game of Life, my son, the fix is in."

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

'Hey, hey -- You've got to stay focussed.'

"The meaning of life is cats."

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

'I'm bored...'

"I'm just checkin' my email, OK! I AM NOT googling it..."

'... Of course, once you actually achieve enlightenment, it all gets a bit boring.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"Excuse me, pal, but is this the road less traveled?"

'Government regulations are simple and explicit - ONE guru to a mountain top!'

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

"Oh great!...He;s a fitness guru!!"

'Let's start with the basics. Find the Red Queen!'

'I hired a decorator.'

'Uh, we do have tenure, don't well?

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

Skiers

Climber to guru: 'Where's the outrage?'

'We DO have a dress code up here, you know!'