Mountain Sage Gifts

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"The real money is in franchising."

Please Seat Yourself

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Saguaro Cacti.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

Soon The Moon Will Have Cellphone Reception Better Than That One Part Of Your Commute

"Hunters turned philosophers"

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'And in further economic news, the silver lining in the latest economic crisies has been downgraded to bronze.'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

"I'm going to call it zero."

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

"It seems like all we talk about anymore is the weather."

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Jesus Saves

'Ancient bones. Early man. Valuable. Probably Uncle Fred.'