Mountain Climbing Sage Gifts

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

Wang Yangming takes a scroll of knowledge from a crane.

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"It's still in beta."

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

"It needs more old salt."

"The real money is in franchising."

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Jesus Saves

'Hey newbie. Just ease and squeeze, ease and squeeze!'

"A door can never have too many hinges."

"Sorry about that - just clearing my throat."

Ars longa, vita brevis (Art is long, life is short).

"It's true you always need to be prepared but you're not going to need the microwave."

Ski Lift

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"You experience violent mood swings from elation to despair? That's normal for a boat owner."

"Finally, a world where everyone wants to serve me."

Holiday on Thin Ice

'Now you have that invisible fence you've been wanting.'

"You just couldn't shut up could you?"