Mortuary Explorer Pillows

"Would you like to speak to our sorrow sharer?"

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

Monuments

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

Midlife: You Are Here.

Ventriloquist Grave

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

Pranking Zombies

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

The last word.

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: da Vinci's 'The Robot Body.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"

"One day son, all this will be going with me."

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

Myths and Other Urban Legends

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'Tut, you've outdone yourself this time.'

"It's soon to be listed in the National Register of Historic Military Holes in the Ground."

Too Much SOY