Mortgage Survivor Gifts

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

You're fortunate you have a cubicle. Due to cutbacks, my boss makes us wear horse blinders.

Student Debt

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

Life plan

The sixth college sense. 'I see debt people.'

'I'm working on a ten year degree. Four years in school, and six years to pay off my student loans.'

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

'Your 401 (K) went down the drain, but if it's any consolation, you can keep the commemorative cup.'

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

'You want some protection money? Oh, thank God. For a moment there I thought you were from the Inland Revenue.'

'I'm afraid I can't prescribe anti-depressants for housing gloom.'

"It's a rags to riches story. He started with $80,000 in student loan debt, and now he has a job and moved out of his parent's basement."

"How much would it cost if I don't take classes but just live in a dorm with a meal plan?"

'Student debt??? You ought to see my campaign debt!'

"I'm about as mainstream as you can get. I go to church, I'm all for the family, I hate Saddam Hussein, and I'm unemployed."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"Oh, they sent me to the best obedience school...now I have to dig my bones to pay the loans."

College tuition fees.

"Thar someone from the IRS blows!"

T-shirt slogan: 'I survived the audit.'