Mortality Explorer T-Shirts

"Here I am, Mother, gainfully and meaningfully employed, and all you can do is criticize."

"You're late!"

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

X-ray Psychology.

"Did you get my tweet?"

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

"I shop, therefore I am."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Monuments

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"I'm sending you an interesting article about declining birth rates."

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'Look man, no wings!'

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

Orientation: Welcome to Hell

Going Down?

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

The Final Selfie

The Suite Hereafter

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'