Morning Chatter Gifts

Chris Evans

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

Mums coffee morning

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"Well, of course we married industrialists. All three of us were young and beautiful, and smokestack America looked like it would last forever."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

'He isn't use to getting up this early.'

"I'll have the chicken or the eggs benedict—whichever of them comes first."

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

'How did you cope before 24-hour rolling gossip?'

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"What truth can there be, if there is only death?" "Too early for Tolstoy."

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Grrr."

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

"Why are these bloody trucks constantly stopping traffic???!"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?"

"Sport on top, a little politics at the sides and news.. "

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

'I don't dare ask my students to answer questions - they keep expecting prizes like on Oprah.'

"I'm offended by everything these days..."

"Was there any game in any sport last night which we can discuss?"

I knew Joe and I were in trouble when we couldn't even agree on a marriage counselor.

"You know, Ben, it's really cute how secure you are in your sexuality."

"So what are we all dying of this morning?"

"They're shifting the responsibility to the people with identifiable skills."

Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but caught the theme park ride.