Morale Officer Gifts

'Me? Morale Officer? --Why do you always pick on ME?'

Mission to Mars. Astronaut Candidate Interviews. You think you'd be a good morale officer? The voyage to Mars and back is 100 million miles. I turn "miles" into "smiles"!

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Office Dunce.

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"And this is where we all gave up."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Remember that promotion you were asking for last month, , ,Well, something just opened up,'

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

'This is gonna be one of those teamwork talks, isn't it?'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"Did I say 'corner office'? I meant 'corner of my office'."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'