Moral Detective Gifts

"Perhaps He Was Too Close To The Situation, But Aesop Failed To See Any Goddamned Moral To The Story Of The Goddamned Birds Eating His Goddamned Tomatoes Again . . ."

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

'I look only for the good in everyone...but I only ever find it in myself.'

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

"I love it, the chief loves it, the client loves it, but the gods don't love it."

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

Tonight's topic Ethical behavior. Personally, I let my conscience by my guide, but I do the driving!

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

"Religion gives us a reason to go to war to prove how much we love peace."

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

"I try to follow my conscience, but by early afternoon it's usually lost me."

Bothers my conscience a little bit/May keep me up for a night or two/Am I really stooping this low?

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

'I imagine you were pretty nervous addressing an army of experts.'

Profiles in Courage

The tortoise and the hare - Aesop's fables.

“What we have here is an old moral compass. How did it come into your possession?”

"We share values, … which is why neither of us has a full set."

"Relax - not only does the devil have the best tunes, he's also got a great lawyer."

"You cheated on the assignment and got an A? Glad to see you've learned a useful life skill."

"Don't go there."

Devil vs Angel Duel.

"Say – where the hell did that come from?"

Man sees tail of the devil enter elevator.

"I'm having an ethical dilemma. I'm trying to decide whether to have some."

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

I can't decide if you make me want to be a better man, a better lawyer or a better liar. ! !

Diogenes: 'I found an honest man once, and he reported me for vagrancy.'

When it came time for Phil to summon his better angels, he had a heck of a time figuring out which ones they were.

'When do you last remember having your soul?'

Whenever I let my conscience be my guide, I get picked up for vagrancy.

Hell's Ethics