Morality Ponderer Gifts

"Why, yes, Phil, I do remember where I was when JFK was shot."

'I'm a concerned mugger. Half your money goes to the Eritrean relief fund!'

"The banality of evil."

"The price you're charging me for your miserable soul is quite high. Who (the hell) do you think you are? Mother Theresa, for c****t sake!"

"Our next guest has kindly agreed to talk to us about living in sin."

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Rocco, are you listening?'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"Call me?"

"Have you been playing dice?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

The Price of Freedom

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

I think my work ethic needs some work. Not to mention some ethics.