Moo-ving Marketers Gifts

One cow to another: 'We should look at rebranding.'

This Message Has No Content

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Elevator Pitch

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"That's our new church mascot."

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

'My market doesn't understand me.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

You trip on it, you buy it.

"Remember, Katie, genius is 10% inspiration and 80% media manipulation."

'Lucky for us, there's a sucker born every minute.'

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

Entertainment systems

Floss Street Vendor

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

'Hey! We've never tried a 'pity' strategy before...'

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

'This will be your territory, Bruno...get busy marking it.'

"Give a man a fish, you cut your throat. Teach a man to fish, you're a damn fool."

'And it was at this point we decided to try to put the toothpaste back in the tube.'

No Talent Agency

Marketing - Learn from customers' buying patterns...

'I'd add 'UK' to your name and do it in big red letters...that'll be £15,000.'

"We need a better distribution system."

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

'Sorry, Gowp, but I'm rteplacing you as Head of Advertising.'

"Before we decide that TV is dead, can someone tell what digital marketing is?"

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

What's your exit strategy?