Monument Maestro T-Shirts

'Well it's o.k. but you should see his Taj Mahal.'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

A woman playing a keyboard

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"I understand the Everest climb used to be quite a chore."

'A few messages came in during your lunch break.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Computer Music

Sir Patrick Moore.

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

Musician Sneezing Musical Notes

The TROU of the Baroque

'It's another office memo from that Mr. Tolstoy.'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

'Oh, hi Tom... I'm just putting some personal touch to my office.'

Conducting Handel's Fireworks Music with a Sparkler

Yodelling School: Your calls may be recorded for training purposes.

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

"We may have the same ringtone, Kenneth, but they're in totally different keys."

A Blanksy

Moses conducts the Red Sea orchestra.

Post-modern Café

The Top and The Tippy-top (mountain climbing)

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

"Bob’s just finishing the last chapter of his unauthorized autobiography."

'How are the memoirs coming along?'

Hairdressing for Bald People

'Ok, ok. We'll run through it one more time. The rabbit pops up, goes round the tree ..'

'Hey, Mister! Stop bawling at me!'

Off Road Wellies

Ernie, cramming a lifetime's worth of junk into every cupboard, closet and corner of your home makes you a hoarder, not a prepper.

Sculpt-by-numbers kit.

Blowing your nose musically.