Monthly Team Meeting Gifts

'I thought for sure your perfect attendance record was coming to an end today, Stillwater.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The meeting will come to order."

Group Think Time

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'Come on, come on, let's work together!'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Meeting. 'Meh.'

"Next meeting back to paper. Everyone missed doodle."

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."