Monster Guise Gourmet T-Shirts

The Master chef had produced his masterpiece... a monster Danish pastry!

Kitchen Kapers

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Cosmetic Stone Mason.

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Rover is sulking because he helped bag the goose and all he gets for dinner is dog food.'

Beef Wellingtons

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

"All I've got left is smoked."

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

'Chef's salad as ordered.'

'Flat head, bolts in my neck,... I think at least you owe me a free tummy tuck.'

"Tonight, the part of the sea bass will be played by the chicken."

'Darling, you got a make-over!'

Severe Food Criticism.

A Respite Between Courses

Soup of the Night

'This must be their seasonal menu. These prices are scary!'

Bones barbecue.

Police Cordon Bleu

'Mm...diabolical!'

'Hey, Jack, our pizza is done.'

"Have you been snacking between meals again..?"

Soul Food