Money Matters Fan Gifts

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

Watering Money

'Money isn't making you happy? Okay, I'll raise my rate, and we'll see how that works for you.'

Economic Prosperity

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

'I'm only a millionaires, and there are over 260 billionaires!'

Scott Walker keeps his job.

'Whoever said 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself' ought to have a look at my credit card bill.'

"Experts agree - we need a tax increase."

Oooo, Mr. Private Sector, whoop-dee-doo. It's not like we don't come from the same printer.

The Recession Hole.

"We can't go on meeting like this, I'm practically broke."

'Think about it: There were over three million of us co-owning this ant-hill, so we only got a few cents each...'

"You're my ideal client. A man with a LOT of money, in a LOT of trouble."

EU-budget fight

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

"What do you mean, 'money isn't everything'?

Gentleman wanting to know exactly how much he owes his butler

'You can't win — every time we earn a little overtime, it gets eaten up by inflation!'

'Behind the Eight Ball'

'I had to co-pay for the bagel.'

Plimbco Bank & Trust, old money division.

'Wow! You weren't exaggerating when you said your company had a high cash burn rate!'

Self Service Loan

'The 22% tax I understand, but who gets the other 78%?'

"You have a pre-existing condition...your credit score."

Life not only rained on my parade, it fined me for not having a parade permit.

Dicorce lawyer: 'I can't promise you custody of your money. But I'll make darn sure you get full visitation rights!'

"Does he have bills to pay as well then..?"

Community Bailout.

The Inflation of the Dollar.

'Yes, we offer no-fee checking accounts. For a small fee.'

"Sure I play hard, but I also inherit hard."

IRS, 'Don't forget -- your first payment on that barrel is due in 30 days.'

'We rejected your application for a loan, my friend.'