Money Manager Misfit Pillows

"So much for counting on a lottery ticket to capitalize the retirement fund."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

Money exchange

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

Me and my money are soon parted

Overdraft limit.

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

What is possible and what is probable.

Here today, Bailed Out Tomorrow.

"Let's just say the value of your account has gone from jumbo to fun size."

Piggy Bank ATM

'Well, okay. So we almost bankrupted the country. But we've managed to make a slight profit thanks to the government bail out package, so who can possibly deny us a fat bonus this year?'

'Would it kill 'ya to index my birthday check to inflation?'

'While I'm here for my audit, could I interest you in some tax free municipal bonds?'

Yes we can increase your overdraft, but I'd like to see a little more grovelling, please.

Man goes from instant cash machine to instant spending.

Piggy bank...cash cow.

"It's all very well for people to go on about restraining hedge fund managers...but they have not idea of what we do!"

It's 10pm do you know where your 401-k is?'

It's not our fault. We attribute your poor portfolio performance to fund malfunction.

'How about giving me one of those useless fivers you're always moaning about,Dad?'

"Our credit rating has improved. There's a pre-approved credit card in the report."

And your repayment period starts...Now!