Money Manager Misfit Gifts

"So much for counting on a lottery ticket to capitalize the retirement fund."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

Money exchange

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

Me and my money are soon parted

Overdraft limit.

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

Here today, Bailed Out Tomorrow.

What is possible and what is probable.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

'Well, okay. So we almost bankrupted the country. But we've managed to make a slight profit thanks to the government bail out package, so who can possibly deny us a fat bonus this year?'

Piggy Bank ATM

"Let's just say the value of your account has gone from jumbo to fun size."

'Would it kill 'ya to index my birthday check to inflation?'

'While I'm here for my audit, could I interest you in some tax free municipal bonds?'

Yes we can increase your overdraft, but I'd like to see a little more grovelling, please.

"Our credit rating has improved. There's a pre-approved credit card in the report."

'I'm push come to shove. . .'

"Think of it this way Jr., without debt you can't build credit."

Man goes from instant cash machine to instant spending.

"It's all very well for people to go on about restraining hedge fund managers...but they have not idea of what we do!"

It's not our fault. We attribute your poor portfolio performance to fund malfunction.

"So dude, how much ahve you saved up from your job?"

Piggy bank...cash cow.