Hilarious Money Manager Gifts

Man asking for money back whilst swimming in the sea

British savings accounts

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

Me and my money are soon parted

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

Budget Cuts

"But, for ten million bucks, would you lick it?"

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'Business is very good. We'll soon be moving to smaller premises.'

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

Business men's lunches: Tycoons ?25, On the way downers ?2.50.

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"Pour yourself a drink - the news isn't too good"

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'