Money Manager Extraordinaire Gifts

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Stock market investment advice

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

Flat tax - equal burden?

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

Money exchange

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

wealth investment

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

"Nothing serious - just some twenties stuck in your crankshaft."

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'