Money Management Humor Gifts

"Since interest rates are low, I'd like to refinance my bankruptcy."

"Yes, we do make car loans, but you CAN'T borrow my car."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"At least we're consistent ... "

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

The Decline of the Euro.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

Job complaints on road signs.

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

Me and my money are soon parted

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Federal Guidelines

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'