Mom Instinct Admirer Pillows

Funny how moms know when you're going to do something naughty at the exact time you're doing it.

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Miracle Mom #5,293

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

The Smell of Fear

Open other end

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

Man painting MOM on boat

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

She's good, but Mom's better.

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"You're applying for this job because your mother told you to. Well, I guess that's a good thing in a compliance officer."

'She's the primary caregiver!'

Single parents.

'It's no use he just doesn't understand the let-down reflex!'

Mother and Baby

'What I like most about my mom is that she always supersizes her hugs.'

"I warned you, Kid! I brought back up!!"

"Mother, you were right."

'As near as I can figure something bad happened and they're both in on it.'

"I don't mind having a bun in the oven, but I do mind not being able to set the temperature."

"I want to buy you a card that reflects the sacrifices you've made on my behalf, Mom. Where's your purse?"

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

'I don't resent taking orders from a woman... for 20 years I took them from my mother.'

"Me and my husband had to try sixteen times before I became pregnant... What a night that was!"

Life's Rarest Things

"I'm not real good at promoting myself, so I brought my mom."

"It's done wonders for my back."

'What do you mean we should seek marriage counseling? Do you realise how much we can save just by listening to your mother?!'

"Nothing much. Just going to get rid of some belly fat."

'Why spend $12 million on market research? I'll just ask my mom.'