Moisturizer Master Gifts

'I'm going to break you like a dry twig!' 'I think not! I use moisturiser cream.'

"An everything Martini, please."

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

TV Chef Cooking Range

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

Ah Ha!

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Germ Home

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

Lazy dog.

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

Potter

'You can always recognise a true gardener - out there before the weather actually gets nice enough for venturing into the garden.'

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

Cleaner and sculpture

'I'm making pot pie.'

His entire life was about balance.

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

"No! Don't jump in that muddy puddle! You haven't got your best clothes on!"

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

'This has GOT to be good... it's MICROWAVABLE.'

The new microwave has been a great time-saver for Monica, she can burn dinner and still have plenty of time to make restaurant reservations

"It's all right for you, my job sucks."

'All right †how about this color of mud?'

The cat's paw - "...A free house doesn't mean all your ale for nothing?"