Moisturizer Master T-Shirts

'I'm going to break you like a dry twig!' 'I think not! I use moisturiser cream.'

"An everything Martini, please."

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

TV Chef Cooking Range

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

'There are no search results for Pomeranian on the Foodnetwork.'

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

Ah Ha!

Ah, geez, there goes my groin muscle again.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

Lazy dog.

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

Germ Home

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

Potter

'You can always recognise a true gardener - out there before the weather actually gets nice enough for venturing into the garden.'

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

Cleaner and sculpture

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

'I'm making pot pie.'

His entire life was about balance.

"No! Don't jump in that muddy puddle! You haven't got your best clothes on!"

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

"I'd have cooked it for you but you can't put metal in the microwave."

'This has GOT to be good... it's MICROWAVABLE.'

The cat's paw - "...A free house doesn't mean all your ale for nothing?"

Inside the freezer. I can't wait to get warmed up in the microwave! Bean and Cheese. Ice. He's a "Brrr-ito"! Ice Cream Vanilla.

'All right †how about this color of mud?'

"It's all right for you, my job sucks."