Modernization Skeptics Gifts

'Isn't it terrible how they've gone and ruined everything!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

Down With Wikipedia

Computerized society.

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"My kid could have done that with AI."

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

"Well, by that logic no one would ever shave a clock onto a monkey."

The new electronic system is efficient, but the garage had to sacrifice parking spaces for it.

Nethead strip: Fashion sense

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

'I don't think Charlie will ever get used to these auto-mobiles.'

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

'It isn't that we don't have high technology. We don't have any technology.'

"To give it credibility let's tell the boss we stole our business idea from the Japanese instead of thinking it up ourselves!"

iPhone Senior

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

Addicted to Oil

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

iPhone: Leading Our Grand March Into Mass Mediocrity

Computers: In and Obsolete.

'Appleby believes he's come up with a way to defeat facial recognition software.'

Modern day smoke signals.

'Well Ma, I guess it's time to update our milking machine.'

"Subscribe to receive a new commandment every month."