Modern Sin Enthusiast Pillows

"According to our records, you Googled God's name in vain."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

"I have an app for that."

The ten ammendments

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

Pope Francis

"Wow, souls seem a lot heavier lately"

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

'...Now we'd be expecting turning water into a decent '67 vintage at the VERY LEAST!'

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

'Could you give me big tits?'

'Glad you're still around. I thought you'd be an app by now.'

"Could you read the part where Stephen envisions life outside Dublin again?"

'You indulge in all the deadly sins. You have to expect a few health problems.'

'Yes, we;re a value-orientated investment fund.'

"I remember when these two matched on Hinge, casually retweeted quips on Tweitter, lost each other for a bit, slid into Instagram DMs...and here we are at regular texting and marriage."

"Santa's started franchising out delivery.'

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

"Alright, I admit stopping to take a selfie outside of the bank, was a mistake."

Death stalks an old man

'Impressive! You've accumulated the sins of a man three times your age.'

The Real Truth Why Adam and Eve Left the Garden of Eden

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"It's not a completely blind date - he sent me some promotional material."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

'Wait! What's this? A text message from the other side.'

'Anthony is shifting his milieu to London after he's shifted his stuff out of my place.'